short funny quotes

short funny quotes Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog
 ~funny sayings about short by Mark Twain

   In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings
short funny quotes
   I told you that I was sick!
 ~humorous quotes about Tombstone quotes by Georgia Cemetary

   Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time
 ~funny sayings about short by Catherine Zandonella

    We may be alone. We may not be alone. Either way, the thought is staggering.
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so
 ~humorous quotes about Intelligence quotes by Bertrand Russell

    Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
 ~funny sayings about short by Funny Guy

   I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   I almost had a psychic boyfriend, but he left me before we met!
 ~humorous quotes about Humorous Sayings by Funny Guy
short funny quotes
   We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him
 ~funny sayings about short by Napoleon Bonaparte

   Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are--Dale Carnegie
 ~humorous quotes about Funny Wisdom by Funny Guy

   The time to begin most things is ten years ago.--Mignon McLaughlin
 ~funny sayings about short by Funny Guy

   I am represented by the Law Firm of Dewey, Chedum, and Howe.
 ~humorous sayings about short by
short funny quotes
   Shared suffering brings people together faster than anything else does.
 ~funny quotes about Cool Cute Quotes by me

   If you can read this, roll me over.
 ~humorous sayings about short by

   My leech would like you as a new host.
 ~funny quotes about Pickup Lines by

   Never judge a book by its cover
 ~humorous sayings about short by  short funny quotes

short funny quotes
  Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people
 ~humorous quotes about Cute sayings by Cute Girl
short funny quotes
   The report of my death was an exaggeration
 ~funny sayings about math by Mark Twain

   Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
 ~Hilarious funny math quotes

   If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
 ~humorous quotes about Funny Ignorance by Funny Guy

   My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions
 ~funny sayings about math by Elayne Boosler
short funny quotes
   Who was the fi short funny quotes rst person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
 ~Hilarious funny math quotes

   I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
 ~humorous quotes about Funny Life Qutes by Funny Guy

   I never think of the future. It comes soon enough. --Albert Einstein
 ~funny sayings about math by Funny Guy

   Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
 ~Hilarious funny math quotes

   Two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and...
 ~humorous quotes about Work Sayings by Funny Guy
short funny quotes
   Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did it too! He'd hit me and shout, 'Have ye had enough?' Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? 'Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???'
 ~funny sayings about math by Billy Connolly

   We all have ability. The difference is how we use it
 ~Hilarious funny math quotes

   Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it
 ~humorous quotes about Joke quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
short funny quotes
   I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators
 ~funny sayings about math by Gerald R. Ford

   I tried to find the perfect line to make you mine, sweetheart, but after searching all I could come up with was this look in my eyes and your hand in mine, and the words, will you be mine?
 ~humorous sayings about math by

   The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 ~funny quotes about Cool Sayings by

   I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.
 ~humorous sayings about math by

   A dog at a flea circus is likely to steal the show.
 ~funny quotes about Cool Cute Quotes by me

   Which came first, the woman or the department store?
 ~humorous sayings about math by
short funny quotes
   Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
 ~funny quotes about Cute Sayings by

   My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
 ~humorous sayings about math by  short funny quotes

short funny quotes
"We have found that it's much easier to restrain our wrath when the other fellow is bigger than we are."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.


"When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."
Short and funny quotes by, Rita Rudner.


"Man was given a sense of humor to compensate for nature's law of gravity."
Short and funny quotes by, Anonymous.

short funny quotes
"The latest new dance craze is called, "The Politician." It's two steps forward, one step backward, and then a sidestep."
Short and funny quotes by, Anonymous.


"Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day."
Short and funny quote by, Harry S. Truman.


"He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants."
Short and funny quote by, Chuck Tanner.


"Procrastination is the greatest laborsaving invention of all time."
Short and funny quotes by, Anonymous.


"In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

short funny quotes
"We have found that it's much easier to restrain our wrath when the other fellow is bigger than we are."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

short funny quotes
    We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.
 ~humorous quotes about Celebrity by Chris Rock

   Football's not a matter of life and death ... it's more important than that
 ~funny sayings about short by Bill Shankly

   I'm affectionately known by Elton John as either Sylvia Disc or the Bionic Christian
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   Death was Nature's way of telling you to slow down
 ~humorous quotes about Death quotes by Terry Pratchett

   Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
 ~funny sayings about short by Albert Einstein
short funny quotes
   USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
 ~humorous quotes about Children by Bill Cosby

   I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
 ~funny sayings about short by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
 ~humorous quotes about Money Jokes by Malcolm Forbes

   When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken.
 ~funny sayings about short by Noelie Altito
short funny quotes
    My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   I have a weight problem (I can't wait to start eating!!!)
 ~humorous quotes about Funny Dieting Quotes by Funny Guy

   The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
 ~funny sayings about short by Albert Einstein

   Learn from your parent’s mistakes use birth control.
 ~humorous sayings about short by

   Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.
 ~funny quotes about Pickup Lines by

   So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?
 ~humorous sayings about short by

   Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
 ~funny quotes about Pickup Lines by

   Hating hate does not mean you love love.
 ~humorous sayings about short by me
short funny quotes
   Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
 ~funny quotes about Cool Quotes by

   I'm feeling kind of insecure right now. Could I have a hug?
 ~humorous sayings about short by

   Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
 ~funny quotes about Pickup Lines by

   Make WAR, not SEX, it's safer!
 ~humorous sayings about short by short funny quotes

short funny quotes  "Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."
Short funny quotes by, Bob Hope


"A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah."
Short funny quotes by, Ronald Reagan


"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."
Short funny quotes by, Albert Einstein


"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
Short funny quotes by, Dean Martin


"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life."
Short funny quotes by, Tommy Lasorda


"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
Short funny quotes by, Zsa Zsa Gabor


"Ninety percent of the game is half mental."
Short funny quotes by, Jim Wohford


"Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." - after being told he looked cool.
Short funny quotes by, Yogi Berra


"I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!" -Homer J. Simpson Short funny quotes by, Yogi Berra


"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
Short funny quotes by, Bill Cosby


"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
Short funny quotes by, Albert Einstein