short funny quotes

funny random sayings, sayings and quotations

  Star light, star bright, where the freak is Mr. right?
 ~cute random sayings about Battle of the sexes

  Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.
 ~funny quote about Parenting

  Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
 ~sweet quote on random

  Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum.~I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
 ~hilarious random quote by General

  Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
 ~cool quote about Advice

  I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through...
 ~funny saying on random

  You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
 ~cute random sayings about Funny Life Qutes

  We like because, we love although.
 ~funny quote about Love

  Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.~Henry Kissinger
 ~sweet quote on random

  A woman who strives to be equal to a man lacks ambition.
 ~hilarious random quote by Funny Girl

  And on the eighth day, God created bagpipes. Now why is this day never acknowledged, again?
 ~cool quote about Music

  It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
 ~funny saying on random

  A kiss: To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charity
 ~cute random sayings about Love quotes

  Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
 ~funny quote about Thinking

  He who bites his own dog barks last.
 ~sweet quote on random

  TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame your self
 ~hilarious random quote by Officer

  Did you ever notice that "What the Hell?" is always a good decision?- Marilyn Monroe
 ~cool quote about Funny

  I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. --Voltaire
 ~funny saying on random

  I'm a light eater. When it gets light, I start eating.--Tommy John
 ~cute random sayings about Funny Dieting Quotes

  47.5% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
 ~funny quote about One liner

  why do men have a penis and women have boobies? the world will never know!
 ~sweet quote on random

  Always drink upstream from the herd
 ~hilarious random quote by Will Rogers

  If God created everything who created God?
 ~cool quote about Question

  You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants
 ~funny saying on random

  'Driving on the highway is not a competition. It is a cooperation, the sharing of a limited resource.'~Matt Reed
 ~cute random sayings about Proverbs

Random cool humorous and hilariuos sayings category

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Funny stunning quotations, quotes and sayings for your sense of humor

   Love the horse beneath you.~Cosack saying
 ~cool funny stunning messages about World

   I m glad I dodged that bullet!
 ~funny quote about Cool Cute Quotes

   Bad liars need a good memory
 ~cute quote on stunning

   Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
 ~sweet funny stunning messages by Cool Pickup

   Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans. (You have this in happiness etc, it was said by John Lennon and is not attributed)
 ~cool quote about Life

   'We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.'
 ~cute saying about stunning

   And God said, "Let there be light", and there was light. And everyone said, "Hey, cool! Do You do parties?".
 ~cool funny stunning messages about One liner

   Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
 ~funny quote about Pick-Up Line

   Don t cross the bridge till you come to it.
 ~cute quote on stunning

   I Took An IQ Test And The Results Were Negative.
 ~sweet funny stunning messages by Cool Pickup

   I was an atheist until I realized I was GOD.
 ~cool quote about Cute Quotes

   Anything too stupid to be said... is sung.
 ~cute saying about stunning

   I've lost my phone number - can I have yours?
 ~cool funny stunning messages about Cute Sayings

   Friendly fire~isn't.
 ~funny quote about Military

   Stupidity should be punished.
 ~cute quote on stunning

   He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.
 ~cool funny stunning messages about Humorous Sayings

boredom sayings, quotes and quotations

short funny quotes I want to spend the rest of my life with you. cool sayings on Pickup Lines

 Dyslexics Untie! ghetto doll quotes by Cool Pickup short funny quotes

 Wooden shoe rather be Dutch? cool quote about World

 Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. sweet sayings by Wiseman

 The difficult we do immediately. The impossible takes a little while longer.~U.S. Navy Seabees cute saying about ghetto doll quotes

 The future ain't what it used to be. sweet quotations about Thinking

 Woman, I hate to see you go, but I LOVE watching you leave.... cool sayings on Pickup Lines

 Gal: What was the point of that? Guy : Just wanted an excuse to hold your hand ghetto doll quotes by Cool Pickup short funny quotes

 When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. cool quote about Cool Sayings

 I hate the country, all those animals walking around un-cooked. sweet sayings by Wonderman short funny quotes

 I took an IQ test and the results were negative. cute saying about ghetto doll quotes

 Pain is just weakness leaving the body. USMC sweet quotations about Military

 You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don't need. cool sayings on Truth short funny quotes

 Don't miss heaven for the world. ghetto doll quotes by Cool Pickup

 The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. cool quote about Advice| cute things for aim profile || quotes on xanga || cute msn quotes || cute quotes for profile || quotes by teenagers || cute short quotes || cute dog quotes || cute lil quotes || cute aim quotes || cute short profile quotes || cute aim profile sayings || good msn sayings || teenage summer quotes || cute girly profile quotes |

   We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up
 ~Hilarious funny short quotes

   A day without laughter is a day wasted
 ~humorous quotes about Laughter quotes by Charlie Chaplin

   The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.
 ~funny sayings about short by Funny Guy

   Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
 ~Hilarious funny short quotes

   I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
 ~humorous quotes about Funny Life Qutes by Funny Guy

   I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.--Sir Winston Churchill
 ~funny sayings about short by Funny Guy

   I have teenagers. Pray for me.
 ~Hilarious funny short quotes

   The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it
 ~humorous quotes about Cute sayings by Cute Girl

   It's the most important decision I've had to make since 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax
 ~funny sayings about short by Arnold Schwarzenegger

   Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
 ~Hilarious funny short quotes

   Sex is the best high. It's better than any drug. I want to die making love because it feels so good
 ~humorous quotes about Sex quotes by Bai Ling

   Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut
 ~funny sayings about short by Ernest Hemingway

   I am sorry I offended you - I should have lied.
 ~humorous sayings about short by me

Funny Quotes & Sayings about men
   I've dated men my age, younger than me and older. The only difference is the young ones are quicker at taking out the garbage
      ~Funny Joker : Lara Flynn Boyle

   See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time
      ~Funny Joker : Robin Williams

   Man - a figment of God's imagination
      ~Funny Joker : Mark Twain

   Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control
      ~Funny Joker : Diana Jordan

   He was so mean it hurt him to go to the bathroom
      ~Funny Joker : Britt Ekland (on Rod Stewart)

   A succesful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A succesful woman is one who can find such a man
      ~Funny Joker : Lana Turner

   Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn
      ~Funny Joker : Madonna

   There are only two kinds of men - the dead and the deadly
      ~Funny Joker : Helen Rowland- Funny Computer Quotes - Funny Cute Quotes - Funny Death Sayings - Funny Dieting Quotes - Funny Drink Quotes - Funny Egoists Quotes - Funny Famous Sayings - Funny Football Quotes - Funny Friendship Sayings - Funny Gardeners Jokes - Funny God Quotes - Funny Golf Sayings - Funny Government Quotes - Funny Happiness Sayings - Funny Hollywood Sayings - Funny Humor Sayings -

short funny quotes Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog
 ~funny sayings about short by Mark Twain

   In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings
short funny quotes
   I told you that I was sick!
 ~humorous quotes about Tombstone quotes by Georgia Cemetary

   Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time
 ~funny sayings about short by Catherine Zandonella

    We may be alone. We may not be alone. Either way, the thought is staggering.
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so
 ~humorous quotes about Intelligence quotes by Bertrand Russell

    Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
 ~funny sayings about short by Funny Guy

   I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   I almost had a psychic boyfriend, but he left me before we met!
 ~humorous quotes about Humorous Sayings by Funny Guy
short funny quotes
   We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him
 ~funny sayings about short by Napoleon Bonaparte

   Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are--Dale Carnegie
 ~humorous quotes about Funny Wisdom by Funny Guy

   The time to begin most things is ten years ago.--Mignon McLaughlin
 ~funny sayings about short by Funny Guy

   I am represented by the Law Firm of Dewey, Chedum, and Howe.
 ~humorous sayings about short by
short funny quotes
   Shared suffering brings people together faster than anything else does.
 ~funny quotes about Cool Cute Quotes by me

   If you can read this, roll me over.
 ~humorous sayings about short by

   My leech would like you as a new host.
 ~funny quotes about Pickup Lines by

   Never judge a book by its cover
 ~humorous sayings about short by  short funny quotes

short funny quotes
  Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people
 ~humorous quotes about Cute sayings by Cute Girl
short funny quotes
   The report of my death was an exaggeration
 ~funny sayings about math by Mark Twain

   Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
 ~Hilarious funny math quotes

   If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
 ~humorous quotes about Funny Ignorance by Funny Guy

   My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions
 ~funny sayings about math by Elayne Boosler
short funny quotes
   Who was the fi short funny quotes rst person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
 ~Hilarious funny math quotes

   I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
 ~humorous quotes about Funny Life Qutes by Funny Guy

   I never think of the future. It comes soon enough. --Albert Einstein
 ~funny sayings about math by Funny Guy

   Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
 ~Hilarious funny math quotes

   Two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and...
 ~humorous quotes about Work Sayings by Funny Guy
short funny quotes
   Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did it too! He'd hit me and shout, 'Have ye had enough?' Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? 'Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???'
 ~funny sayings about math by Billy Connolly

   We all have ability. The difference is how we use it
 ~Hilarious funny math quotes

   Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it
 ~humorous quotes about Joke quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
short funny quotes
   I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators
 ~funny sayings about math by Gerald R. Ford

   I tried to find the perfect line to make you mine, sweetheart, but after searching all I could come up with was this look in my eyes and your hand in mine, and the words, will you be mine?
 ~humorous sayings about math by

   The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 ~funny quotes about Cool Sayings by

   I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.
 ~humorous sayings about math by

   A dog at a flea circus is likely to steal the show.
 ~funny quotes about Cool Cute Quotes by me

   Which came first, the woman or the department store?
 ~humorous sayings about math by
short funny quotes
   Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
 ~funny quotes about Cute Sayings by

   My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
 ~humorous sayings about math by  short funny quotes

short funny quotes
"We have found that it's much easier to restrain our wrath when the other fellow is bigger than we are."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.


"When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."
Short and funny quotes by, Rita Rudner.


"Man was given a sense of humor to compensate for nature's law of gravity."
Short and funny quotes by, Anonymous.

short funny quotes
"The latest new dance craze is called, "The Politician." It's two steps forward, one step backward, and then a sidestep."
Short and funny quotes by, Anonymous.


"Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day."
Short and funny quote by, Harry S. Truman.


"He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants."
Short and funny quote by, Chuck Tanner.


"Procrastination is the greatest laborsaving invention of all time."
Short and funny quotes by, Anonymous.


"In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

short funny quotes
"We have found that it's much easier to restrain our wrath when the other fellow is bigger than we are."
Short and funny quote by, Anonymous.

short funny quotes
    We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.
 ~humorous quotes about Celebrity by Chris Rock

   Football's not a matter of life and death ... it's more important than that
 ~funny sayings about short by Bill Shankly

   I'm affectionately known by Elton John as either Sylvia Disc or the Bionic Christian
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   Death was Nature's way of telling you to slow down
 ~humorous quotes about Death quotes by Terry Pratchett

   Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
 ~funny sayings about short by Albert Einstein
short funny quotes
   USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
 ~humorous quotes about Children by Bill Cosby

   I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
 ~funny sayings about short by Ralph Waldo Emerson

   Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
 ~humorous quotes about Money Jokes by Malcolm Forbes

   When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken.
 ~funny sayings about short by Noelie Altito
short funny quotes
    My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.
 ~Hilarious short funny sayings

   I have a weight problem (I can't wait to start eating!!!)
 ~humorous quotes about Funny Dieting Quotes by Funny Guy

   The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
 ~funny sayings about short by Albert Einstein

   Learn from your parent’s mistakes use birth control.
 ~humorous sayings about short by

   Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.
 ~funny quotes about Pickup Lines by

   So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?
 ~humorous sayings about short by

   Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
 ~funny quotes about Pickup Lines by

   Hating hate does not mean you love love.
 ~humorous sayings about short by me
short funny quotes
   Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
 ~funny quotes about Cool Quotes by

   I'm feeling kind of insecure right now. Could I have a hug?
 ~humorous sayings about short by

   Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
 ~funny quotes about Pickup Lines by

   Make WAR, not SEX, it's safer!
 ~humorous sayings about short by short funny quotes